We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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