I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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