You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found puke in my bra..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize