I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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