I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize