You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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