you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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