Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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