the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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