I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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