My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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