Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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