i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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