The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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