at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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