Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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