this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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