if you like me you must not know who I am
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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