I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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