Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize