tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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