How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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