I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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