this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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