.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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