Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He better not be in your backpack
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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