Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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