There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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