so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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