I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there's paper in my vomit.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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