i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
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Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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