i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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