Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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