she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize