I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
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I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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