Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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