Where did you get a picture of my penis
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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