i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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