I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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