Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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