Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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