The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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