I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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