I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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