i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i would one night stand the shit outta him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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