he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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