i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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