are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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