One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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