I cockslap morals
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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